What is Keeping you from Dreaming Big?

Are boys distracting you?

Are boys distracting you?

Teenage boys are becoming familiar with their powers. Becoming familiar with the physical power of their fist and hands, how well they can catch or throw a ball, swing a bat, punch, wrestle & fight. How and if they’re strong enough to actually win a fight, to overpower another person or even knock someone out. They may also become intrigued with fixing things with their hands and tools like bikes, car engines, tree houses, lawn mowers, go carts, skateboards, and rollerblades. They’re learning and experimenting with their hair and clothes, trying to find that special “look,” “style,” and “swag.” They’re starting to understand how to draw attention from others, especially girls. They are naturally becoming curious about what it is about them that girls find attractive. Is it their hair & voice, their smile & muscles, their intelligence or humor, their popularity, car or money? Is it their sex? Maybe it’s how many girls they have had sex with. Sometimes boys test and use all of their so called “powers” by tricking you into sharing and giving yourself to them. Once you’ve given your sex, your money, your car, your time, your attention, your energy, and your affection to him, he feels more powerful. He feels validated. He feels like a “man,” like a “player,” like a “boss.” But not all boys/young men are alike. Sometimes a guy simply wants to explore life with you. He desires to explore intimacy with you. He craves a real relationship with you. There is no trick; there is no game, just a sincere interest in who you are and what you desire to be. Some boys are shy and unsure of themselves and maybe you’re that special girl who can help him grow into the adult he desires to be. Maybe he recognizes your struggles and you recognize his. The point is this…There will always be somebody desiring and trying to win your attention simply because you are a girl. You’ll have to learn how to “conversate” instead of “copulate.” Spend more time talking and getting to know who you are with instead of rushing to be physical and/or sexual. Find out what he wants out of life and how he plans on getting there. What is his relationship like with his family? What are some of his childhood memories? What are his hobbies and habits, his favorite movies or songs? What would he do if he had a million dollars? Why? As he reveals himself, you’ll reveal yourself, and the opportunity for trust, respect, appreciation, and understanding will be present. These are the quality ingredients of a relationship. What’s key for you is that you don’t lose yourself in the process of trying to figure out a potential boyfriend. You are at the age and stage of development where your focus should be on “yourself.” Explore “you,” first, the depths of your own mind, body, and soul. Do not get distracted or overly focused and concerned with a temporary relationship. I know it can sometimes feel like you’ve found forever in him, but chances are it is only temporary. What is permanent is the fact that you will be with “you” for a lifetime. So recognize forever in yourself. Learn to like “you.” Learn to love “you.” Learn how to live and enjoy being alone with “you.” If you can’t stand yourself, who else is going to deal with you? Self-respect starts with “self.” This comes from you, it originates inside “yourself.” A boy can’t validate you. A boy can’t determine your worth. He is not the source of your self-esteem. Don’t give him power over you. Don’t allow him to pressure you. Don’t change who you are for him. If you make any changes, make them for yourself. Don’t allow him to influence you into doing things that are not in accord or in alignment with who you are. Never shame yourself or your family by participating in sex videos, posting nude pics or “sexting” (no matter what you see online or how many of your friends or other girls are doing it). Don’t reduce yourself or allow anybody to reduce you. Have some self-respect, keep your dignity. Stand on your own ten toes, stand on the truth of who and what you are. Concentrate on yourself, boys are secondary, “you” come first and you matter most. Your life and your destiny come first. So Dream Big & Live Big…


Do you have a bad attitude?

Do you have a problem dealing with your anger? Are you constantly being accused of having a bad attitude? Are you always getting into fights?

It’s natural to experience anger. Every human being has become angry at some point in their lives. But if you feel angry all day, every day, it might be an indication that something is wrong. It’s not natural to walk around mad all day. If you’re constantly getting into heated discussions and arguments, something is wrong. It’s not natural to argue all the time. If you are physically fighting with various people, especially with a boyfriend or girlfriend, something is wrong. It’s unnatural to stay in a dysfunctional relationship. If you find it “fun” beating someone up, videotaping it, and posting it online, something is wrong. It’s not natural, nor is it smart, to tape yourself committing a crime, nor is it fun to harm another person. Some of us have issues with our home life. Our parents are violent or on drugs. Maybe we are poor, or we don’t feel our parents truly love us. Maybe we don’t receive compliments and encouragement, or outward displays of affection, so we are hurting on the inside. We are irritable, frustrated, and ready to explode on anybody at any time. Maybe violence and lack of love become normal for some of us. Consider this, deep down inside you, at your core; you are powerful, creative, and intelligent. These dynamics, these ingredients, these attributes make you uniquely beautiful. Whether you’re a boy or a girl. Whether you’re rich or poor.  Whether your parents show you love or not.  These attributes are still there, they’re still inside of you.  Whether you have a dead-beat dad or not; even if your mom drinks or is on drugs. Those things that are happening on the outside do not change the fact that you are a uniquely beautiful being of power, creativity, and intelligence. Whether you are adopted or a stepchild.  Whether your brother or sister picks on you. It doesn’t change what you are at your core. Now this is what you are not: You are not a fearful boy or girl who is oversensitive or jealous. You are not one who is afraid that your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to cheat or break up with you. That is not who you are at your core. Fighting isn’t going to make them stay. Punching and smacking each other around isn’t going to keep the relationship together. Brutality is not love. Bullying is not love. You are not a brute. You are not a bully. Don’t hit her; don’t fight him. If you feel yourself getting mad, love each other enough to walk it off, walk out, walk away. Try your hardest to remember what you are not. You are not an animal. Animals function and display three to four basic instincts and behaviors. They eat, sleep, mate, and kill. They may kill to eat, or fight and kill for self-preservation, but some wild animals are definitely combative. Is this what your life has become? Is that all you do: eat, sleep, have sex, and fight? Have you allowed yourself to become a combative animal? Violence is not love. Senseless acts of violence are not expressions of love for yourself or love for others. Cursing out your parents and teachers, cat fighting with girls, boxing in backyards and bars against boys, bullying and battering people to stay in a relationship with you: those behaviors are ugly. Those actions aren’t cool, or glam, nor do they make you popular for the right reasons. Talk to your counselors, teachers, or social workers. Write your feelings down on paper if you have a hard time verbally expressing your angry thoughts and feelings. But keep your hands to yourself. Fighting leads to more fights. Arguing leads to more arguments. We have to end that cycle and break the violent pattern. We have to learn how to practice self-control. There’s nothing wrong with speaking your mind and having an opinion; there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing with another’s opinion. But once you recognize the disagreement, don’t try to force your beliefs and opinions on them. Simply, “agree to disagree.” That is when two or more people understand and accept the fact that they disagree with each other on a certain subject. There is no arguing or fighting. The situation doesn’t escalate or turn violent. Try to practice self-control and “agree to disagree.” Other times, you may be joking around, teasing, or taunting someone and they may be name-calling and poking fun at you in return. But things can quickly elevate from playing around to flat out insulting one another until finally, the fight breaks out. Then the crowd gathers. Then the phones come out, and everyone is making videos and posting them online. If you can feel yourself becoming angry, it’s time to quit joking around. If you find yourself constantly arguing with the same person, even if it is your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is time to stop interacting with and hanging around that person. Fighting, arguing, and throwing temper tantrums is not cool. Don’t rush to be violent, you are not a combative animal. Remember, at your core, you are powerful, creative, and intelligent. Think your way through situations and circumstances. You can’t fight your way out of them; you’ll end up battered, bruised, and broken. You may even end up in prison or a grave. Lastly, if for whatever reason, you have to physically fight an adult, maybe to protect and save yourself or your family from harm, do not let that isolated situation turn you into the very thing you wanted to protect them from. Don’t let that situation turn you into a monster. Don’t use that to be overly aggressive and unnecessarily violent toward everybody. Seek professional assistance for your family and yourself. Don’t hesitate to call the police. Do not take the law into your own hands. Plots to kill, harm or hurt you parents or step-parents, are the wrong plots and plans to make. Don’t throw your life away while trying to take someone else’s life. Seek professional help, we are here for you. As always, it is up to you to Dream Big & to Live Big…

Do you have any questions?  We are sure you do!  Feel free to ask us anything, nothing is too personal, too trivial, too out there.  We welcome all questions and it will help us in helping others.  If you want a private response you can go to the contact us section and it will be handled as such.


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